The Weekly TPS Report – March 15

March Madness is in full swing. No I don’t mean that silly basketball thingie. I mean cubicle chaos. Pick your winners – fill out your brackets – and be prepared to be upset. Because, one things for sure, whether it’s on the court or in the office, it’s very rare that you’ll predict the winner, let alone dominate and run the table.

So, what went down this week in the office and the rest of the world?

  • I’ve decided that if you eat 2 or more meals at your desk you’re definitely doing something wrong. This realization came after 4 days of 2 meals at my desk this week. Still trying to figure out how to right the wrong.
  • Somehow changing the clocks forward one hour this past weekend made this week slower than dirt. Also, made me more tired than parents with a newborn.
  • If there only 3 options which you are presented with, 1 of which is the status quo, and 2 of them are flat out not going to happen, I’m pretty sure it’s business as usual. Also, don’t make me develop a plan relative to the 2 non-starters.
  • If I were smart I’d plan the color of my lunch and my daily outfit to be color coordinated.
  • Also, don’t forget to read what happens when the toilet calls and you are afraid to answer!

In this week’s stories ripped from the headlines:

  • After a few days of looking for white smoke we have a new Pope.
    Now, back to our regularly scheduled bitching about what’s wrong with the Catholic church.
    Related: until you see white smoke coming from my cube know that I am still trying to decide what’s for lunch.
  • People who think they can tell you what you can’t eat or drink (I’m looking at you Mayor Bloomberg) you are some kind of special ass hole – unless you are the parent telling the kid.
    Yes, I think people should eat healthier. No I don’t think anyone needs to have a full liter of soda at a meal. But, guess what, this is fucking America and if that dumb ass wants to drink a liter of Mountain Dew while eating 3 Big Mac’s and 3 XL fries it’s that dumb asses choice and you Mr. government should stay the fuck out of it.
    P.S. Thanks to the judge with some common sense.
  • Related, did you know that $1.5M of your tax dollars are going to fund a study to find out why 3/4 of lesbians are overweight?
    Yeah, we probably do need to raise taxes…
    And, no before you decide to write hate mail/comments, this has NOTHING to do with being gay.
  • As reported last week, the TSA has decided that small pocket knives are ok to carry on planes now. But, by god you better not take one of those pumpkin carving things on a plane or so help you…BFGhgIICYAE4nlq.jpg-large
  • Unlike Wiki Wally, my Apple hating – Google bleeding coworker, I’m not really a fan of the Google. Sure, they have the best search engine. Sure, many of their products actually are really good. So, why am I not a fan?
    Simple – they are the devil waiting to arrive.
    They know everything, see everything (street view), and damn near control everything it seems these days. They also are replacing the need for humans behind the wheel of cars (ok that’s not really a bad idea on the surface…especially as it relates to the commute).
    In the Terminator series they talked about Skynet taking over. If that had been written today, they’d have called it Goognet. Devil in waiting I tell you.
    But, this week they killed of the one product I (and apparently many others use and love) Google Reader – their RSS aggregator thingamajig. For that I say fine. I will find another solution. A better solution. And, even if it’s not, I’m going to claim it is because I am growing to despise the Googledom.
    So, Google you can kiss my butt! And, best part I don’t even need to tell them where to go to kiss my butt, because they already know where I live!
    Bastards.

About CubicleViews

Observations, thoughts & random bitching about cube life, food, beer, wine, whiskey and sometimes politics. Living the dream in a 6×8 doorless polyester walled cell.
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4 Responses to The Weekly TPS Report – March 15

  1. javaj240 says:

    Wow…you sure covered a lot of ground here — Catholics, Lesbians, Big Brother. There’s a lot of stuff packed into this little post! Love it!!!! Personally, I don’t care about the Pope, but I am intrigued by the study regarding lesbians. Intrigued, I tell you! And that Google, yeah, it’s troubling.

    • CubicleViews says:

      Well you know my theory, if you’re going to offend someone, you might as well offend everyone because we’re all too damn sensitive. And, on that note, let’s just say:
      “Lighten up Francis”.

  2. Chrissie says:

    You don’t know me, so this is weird. But I happened upon your blog and dug it. And I needed to pimp out this award to 11 people. So I awarded you The Liebster Award. Check out my post to figure out what I am talking about.

  3. Pingback: On the road again. Part 1 – The departure | The Cubicle Views

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