I’m not a fan of golden showers

It was a long day and I was abnormally tired when I got home. As my lovely bride was making dinner for the family she laughed and said, “what did you not get your afternoon coffee?” Yeah, after all these years she clearly knows me.

After changing into some comfy clothes (shorts and a t-shirt as it’s 70+ degrees here in drought stricken Northern California) I had a thought – I’d take the pooches for a walk around the neighborhood. Heck they’d been cooped up all day and deserved it. Plus, I’d get some well deserved fresh air. And, the pièce de résistance was that I wouldn’t have to do the dishes or laundry. Boom! My favorite Nike cross-trainers on and out the door the pooches and I went!

“Honey, don’t forget the poop bags!”

<sigh> Yes dear. Picking up dog shit and lugging it around the neighborhood is so humiliating.

This wasn’t going to be one of those #mycrossfit adventures up in the hills. No, it was going to be a leisurely 2ish mile walk around suburbia.

At about the half-way mark, we rounded the corner and I saw my friend Tom and his dog Rex in their yard. Rex and my pups are friends so while Tom and I chatted about the latest happenings with our families and the neighborhood drama, the dogs played in his front yard.

As Tom explained the latest with his kid in college…it…happened.

It was warm out, but suddenly I felt a different warmth. “What the fuck? Rex just pisssed on me!” – Me

“Huh???” – Tom

“Look at my legs! They’re all wet!” – Me

“Huh…” – Tom

“YOUR dog…just…pissed…on…my…legs! Both of them!” – Me

“Huh…” – Tom

“Well don’t just stand there Tom, get the fucking hose and wash me off.” – Me

“Rex? Did you do that?” – Tom

“He’s a dog. He can’t talk. Get the hose.” -Me

“Umm, if I wash your legs your shoes will get all wet.” -Tom

“My shoes are full of your dog’s piss already so, I’m thinking the hose won’t ruin them.” -Me

“Huh, guess you’re right.” – Tom

With freshly hosed off legs and dripping Nike’s, I bid Tom and adieu and set off. And, as I walked away I said, “tell your wife hi and I’ll drop the bill for my news shoes in your mailbox.”

Of course we were only half-way through the walk so, there was no choice but to trudge on, wet shoes and all.

Two houses later pooch 2 took a dump on someone’s lawn…while they were in the front yard. And, of course that meant pulling out a trusty poop bag, picking up last night’s dinner and carrying it for a mile. Why couldn’t this be a Wednesday when everyone has their garbage cans out?

As I walked into the house (wet shoes and all), the wife said, “dinner’ll be ready in about 15 mins, how was your walk?”

<Grumble> “Worst walk ever!” – Me

After explaining the details, the wife says, “HAHAHA well at least you have time to start laundry and get a clear shower! HAHAHA!”

About CubicleViews

Observations, thoughts & random bitching about cube life, food, beer, wine, whiskey and sometimes politics. Living the dream in a 6×8 doorless polyester walled cell.
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6 Responses to I’m not a fan of golden showers

  1. Ned's Blog says:

    I always walk my dog wearing rubber boots.
    Me, not the dog.
    That way it doesn’t matter if I get peed on or what I step in. Plus, people tend to treat me “special.”

  2. Tricia says:

    Years ago when we were living in a condo complex up on the peninsula, I took our chocolate lab out for some fresh air. We stopped to chat with a neighbor in the parking lot. Our lab, Bailey, sniffed around while he waited. Then suddenly, looked up at our neighbor, lifted his leg and peed on his legs.

    He marked my neighbor. “Welcome to the community man – you’re MY neighbor now.”

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